Neither my husband or I had ever considered adoption. I think I had vaguely heard that if you were fat (me) or old (my husband was 43) then you couldn’t possibly be considered as suitable adoptive parents. So the idea was squashed before it had even properly ignited.
Then one day I read a short article in a magazine which refuted these myths. I can’t really remember the details of the article now, but I remember how I felt as I read it! It was like seeing a pinprick of light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel! I couldn’t understand why I had never though of adoption before as a possibility for us.
I kept this new idea to myself for a while. I wanted to turn it around in my head until I was quite sure it was what I wanted. I was also scared of proposing it to my husband, I felt that if he rejected the idea I would, once again, be devastated.
When I finally did talk to him, he was interested. He didn’t leap at the idea eagerly as I had, but he was definitely interested in finding out more. I could have cried with relief - in fact I think I did! I don’t know, is it a man thing, to be more against having a child who is not your own? Anyway, I thought that he wouldn’t be keen, so I was amazed and delighted that he agreed to pursue the idea.
I don’t tend to hang about when I want something, so the very next day I was phoning our local Social Services Adoption Unit to start things off...
Saturday, 15 December 2007
The reason for adopting
After the birth of our first son, we naturally assumed that we would have more children. We had even planned to have 3! Another boy, then a girl.
When our first son was 2, I became pregnant. We were both thrilled, it had been relatively easy this time! (It took us a good 2 years to conceive Number 1!)
Sadly, at around 8 weeks, I started to bleed. I went for a scan, still hoping for the best, but it turned out the baby had died.
Many people who have not experience miscarriage think that it is no big deal, especially if it happens early on.
It was a big deal for me, I grieved for a long time. In fact I still do - although it is a dull ache now.
I became obsessed with getting pregnant again as soon as possible. I was sure that this would make the pain of our loss go away.
Sadly it was not to be. We went on trying for a long time, then in desperation, signed up for fertility treatment.
It turned out that there was nothing wrong with either of us, and we were told that eventually it would happen.
The trouble is that the stress of having to have sex whether we felt like it or not, followed by the hope that it had worked, then the desperation when my period appeared, played havoc with our relationship. We stuck at it for about 3 years, but in the end realized that we couldn't go on for ever, the stress and unhappiness it caused was getting too much for both of us.
We knew that the obsession of trying to get pregnant was taking away our enjoyment and pleasure of watching our son grow and develop.
Making the decision to stop trying was at the same time a great relief to both of us, but a new grief, almost as bad as how I felt after the miscarriage.
When our first son was 2, I became pregnant. We were both thrilled, it had been relatively easy this time! (It took us a good 2 years to conceive Number 1!)
Sadly, at around 8 weeks, I started to bleed. I went for a scan, still hoping for the best, but it turned out the baby had died.
Many people who have not experience miscarriage think that it is no big deal, especially if it happens early on.
It was a big deal for me, I grieved for a long time. In fact I still do - although it is a dull ache now.
I became obsessed with getting pregnant again as soon as possible. I was sure that this would make the pain of our loss go away.
Sadly it was not to be. We went on trying for a long time, then in desperation, signed up for fertility treatment.
It turned out that there was nothing wrong with either of us, and we were told that eventually it would happen.
The trouble is that the stress of having to have sex whether we felt like it or not, followed by the hope that it had worked, then the desperation when my period appeared, played havoc with our relationship. We stuck at it for about 3 years, but in the end realized that we couldn't go on for ever, the stress and unhappiness it caused was getting too much for both of us.
We knew that the obsession of trying to get pregnant was taking away our enjoyment and pleasure of watching our son grow and develop.
Making the decision to stop trying was at the same time a great relief to both of us, but a new grief, almost as bad as how I felt after the miscarriage.
Thursday, 13 December 2007
Our Adoption Story
We adopted our beautiful boy when he was 9 months old. He is now 7 years old! We have been through some rough times, some normal parenting rough times, and some adoption parenting rough times.
I feel honored to have experienced this, and even more honored to have our wonderful son.
I think not enough is done to prepare parents for adoption, and the problems they are likely to face.
I want to write this journal, gradually, as a record of our son's journey, and ours.
I hope that this will be useful for him when he is older, and maybe useful to others who are going through, or about to embark on this wonderful adventure!
More soon...
I feel honored to have experienced this, and even more honored to have our wonderful son.
I think not enough is done to prepare parents for adoption, and the problems they are likely to face.
I want to write this journal, gradually, as a record of our son's journey, and ours.
I hope that this will be useful for him when he is older, and maybe useful to others who are going through, or about to embark on this wonderful adventure!
More soon...
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